Never Enough: A Promise

I sit here with a blank page not knowing what to say or where to start. I’d fight for you, I’d take a literal and proverbial bullet for you…but that’s not what you want nor what you need. Rather my fight should be focused on disrupting a system that favors me over you.

The problem is, I don’t know how to fight that fight. But I’ll try. I can’t undo what I’ve already done. I can’t unlearn nearly 40 years of acculturation into a system that favors people who look like me. I can’t teach myself about thoughts, words, phrases, and actions that may be problematic if I don’t know that they are in the moment I display them.

However, I can make a promise.

I promise to unlearn as much as I can in the years I have left. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to learn the truths and many perspectives of others. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to read. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to dedicate my time, talent and re$ource$ in order to try to pay back the harm my people have caused. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to pay closer attention and call out symptoms and actions of systemic racism when I see, hear, feel, and read them. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to decrease the time needed in reflection to notice the issues previously stated in order to responded closer to the moment at hand. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to help educate my people. Though, it will never be enough.

I promise to raise a privileged son whose eyes are as open I can get them so that he may continue along this path of waking and disruption. Though, it will never be enough.

My promise will never be enough. I will get it wrong and mess it up way more than I will get it right. I will find grace and let go of perfection in the journey of becoming better today than I was yesterday.

It’s too late for our wilting friendship to blossom. The damage of my ignorance has been done. Today, I find peace in my heart and an abundance of gratitude for your impact on my journey. I promise to learn from this moment and do better tomorrow; even though it will never be enough.

photo credit: Cymone Wilder On Drible

3 Points to Ponder: Writing Goals for the New Year

‘Tis the season of goal writing and New Year’s resolutions. We reflect on the closing year and wonder where the time has gone. We take note of our accomplishments and areas we wish we would have done differently. With the new year upon us and hope of a better year ahead restored, many of us sit down to write new goals and resolutions. Before you write yours, I offer the following for pontification:

What are your values and are your goals and resolutions aligned?

Goals and resolutions that are aligned with our core values will be much easier to accomplish over the year ahead. Trying to stick with New Year’s resolutions that are not inherently yours means you will not only be chasing the resolutions but attempting to transform a piece of you into someone else at the same time. I don’t know about you, but I have tried to be so many others and, in the end, I am happier and more successful at being myself. So before writing goals, identify your values.

How long is your list?

As an over achiever I can tell you I love lists and I am excited by attempting to accomplish what others deem impossible. In years past, that has meant lists of 15- 20 goals per year. One year, it was a goal a week…really! I failed at crossing everything off each one of those lists. And, at the end of those years, I felt like a failure. However, I noticed I was able to accomplish 4-5 of items on those lists each year. Therefore, this year, I will challenge myself to commit to 5 goals, maximum. If I identify 6 or 7, I will push myself to really consider which are my top 5 that most align with my values and only commit to those. I challenge you to do the same.

From where will your accountability come and what methods work best for you?

Accountability comes in many forms. For some, public accountability works wonders. Those humans, are the ones who proclaim their goals to the world and share their work towards those goals all year long (I do this with my running goals). For others, a trusted and honest friend is all the accountability they need. A common goal this time year is related to one’s health thereby making the various ways of measuring those health goals an accountability tool (scale, heart-rate, sleep analysis, and so on). Accountability looks different for everyone, even when we might have the same goal. Know what works for you then next to each of your values aligned goals for the year, write the appropriate accountability measure to keep yourself motivated and on track for success.

what-are-your-goals

These three guiding pontifications should help you write more productive goals for you in a way that will help you stick to your goals throughout the year! Best of luck on your journey to accomplish your values based goals and resolutions in 2018!